How many of you have paid for your meal at a wedding? My gf and I are expected to pay $80-100 each for our meals at an upcoming wedding, the bride says its an “”unspoken tradition””

Question

HYON · Accepted Answer

"Your wedding is a party you throw to celebrate your legal (and possibly religious/spiritual) commitment to each other.  As with any party, you can decide what food and drinks to serve and how to serve them. If you have no money (and I've seen this done) you can make it a potluck and ask everyone to bring a dish. But you cannot charge your friends for coming to your party. That's just rude and tacky.  Your friends don't have to bring you gifts, although it's a very kind and polite thing to do, and they certainly don't have to bring a particular gift or a particular amount of cash. So, no, not an unspoken tradition, although perhaps she's thinking of the rather crass "gift cost = meal cost" equation that some people feel obligated by. However, that's an obligation in the eyes of the guests, NOT the hostess (aka the bride). I wouldn't go.  "

Katrin Huber · Answer

Hell no. You feed me, I give you a bread maker. That's the tradition.

MARISELA · Answer

Here in Quebec I've payed for my own dinner at the last 4 weddings I've been to. Maybe it's a cultural thing? The first time I was like tth_tth but I was told it's getting more and more common, around here at least. Give a smaller gift to compensate for the fact that you've payed... :)

Fina · Answer

never heard of that....what culture are they from? That just sounds cheap to me and I wouldn't go.

ellen-margrethe · Answer

Oh man, I can't ever imagine that going down at an Indian wedding. There would probably be an average of five deaths if that ever happened.

Rosi · Answer

"You just got a "second tier" invitation. You can rest assured that many others there got a "tier 1" invitation and their meals are paid for - you are being invited to fill up a large room and to make it seem to be a bigger wedding than it actually is. "

Elliott · Answer

That is total crap. Generally if you are going to give money as your wedding present, some people give as much as they expect their plate to cost. That's only some people and a good suggestion if you have the financial means to do so.

JERILYN · Answer

Unspoken tradition...among tacky cheapskates, maybe. It's insulting that they would expect you to pay. I would be angry.

Pollyanna · Answer

Not gonna pay someone to go to their wedding. Don't expect your guests to subsidize your fairy tale.

Marlin · Answer

Your gift should cover the cost of your meal, but you shouldn't have to pay for your meal. That's tacky. I wouldn't go.

Thorny · Answer

Where I'm from, cash gifts are the norm. It is kind of an unspoken rule that you at least cover the cost of your meal.

Oddbjorg · Answer

I paid for everyone to eat at my wedding. I thought that was the proper tradition. I have never paid to eat at a wedding I attended. My wife and I have attended at least 5 weddings in the past 3 years and I was in the grooms party in one of the weddings. I paid for my tux, not for my meal.  I thinks its pretty tacky to make the guests pay for the meal. Cash bar I can see... but I had an open bar at my wedding.

Gavra · Answer

Tell the bride that you expect her to pay $80-100 for her present.

Sabrina Bach · Answer

I am actually a caterer. I have catered weddings for almost 20 years, literally hundreds if not thousands of weddings. I have never heard of this being done even once.

Dalenna · Answer

I used to film weddings for a living. I have been to several hundred events. If they cant afford dinner for everyone they have a late evening wedding with finger foods at the reception. Then they have a cash bar as well. Dont pay for your dinner at 80-100 per plate. If they did want to charge for dinner and didnt want to make a profit they would do something more affordable like ask you to bring a casserole, desert or salad. People are more than happy to pitch in to make the day special but not if you ask like that. Come on! Slap some sense into them.

JACQULINE · Answer

You should ask them to pay for their wedding gift. Tell them it's a unspoken family tradition for the wedding couple to pay for their own gift.

Gertruda · Answer

It's unspoken because no one's ever heard of it. They want a gift, your attendance and expect you to pay?

KAREEN · Answer

Thats called we planned a wedding but ran out of money. They are passing the bill along to their guests. I wouldnt even show up for the wedding if one of my friends pulled that shit.

RONNA · Answer

At Chinese weddings, from the ones I've attended, at least $50-$75/person is a standard (red envelope) gift for the couple. Never had someone right out tell me to pay a certain amount though. That's just tacky. not sure if weddings in other cultures are similar, but just saying it's a rather common practice for Chinese.

NERY · Answer

"I got married this past September. It is ridiculous to expect you to pay for your meals. The general tradition for being invited to a wedding is that your gift to the couple is roughly equal to or greater than the cost of your meal. That is the "unspoken tradition" that the bride is talking about. Maybe he wording is making it seem weird? (Trying to give her the benefit of the doubt here) "

Sofi · Answer

Never. Extremely tacky. I actually would not attend such a thing.

Arabella · Answer

Uhm, I mean, I usually give the bride and groom money as a present. I've never heard of someone insisting on it. Usually it's just an unspoken thing where you try to pay for the price of a plate or give them a wedding gift of comparable price. Like for my cousin's wedding I knew the plates were around 100$ so I gave them 100$ as a present but they never made it a rule.

Vernor · Answer

Unspoken. Because it doesn't exist.

Zikra · Answer

The bride's full of shit.

How many of you have paid for your meal at a wedding? My gf and I are expected to pay $80-100 each for our meals at an upcoming wedding, the bride says its an “”unspoken tradition””

Jeanne

Lorette

Nadya

Berchtold

Frazier

Sarah Kuester

Katharina Zweig

anna-grethe

gytte

Sare