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5 years ago when I was in basic training. It was thanksgiving so I was already feeling sad and then my flight was allowed to call our family but no matter who I called nobody answered. This poor guy didn’t have a phone and since nobody answered my calls I let him use mine. He came back thanking me so much for letting him speak to his family and in that moment I finally broke down.
Just recently. I cried because of the thought of the girl I love leaving me. It really cuts deep in me because if I can change for her to be my wife, I am ready to do it. She currently works at the company of my dad, which I am also an employee, and it is fine if she leaves the company but it is heart wrenching if her love for me disappears as well. Freaking heart still aches as I type this out.
Yesterday. Went for a huge operation last week. They took out 50cm of my lower intestines and 50cm of my upper intestine, resected my colon and revered an Ileostomy. So for the first time in two years, I have to go like a normal person. But the pain is overwhelming most of the time. And reached my limits yesterday after being in the bathroom for four hours
Today. I had a panic attack about a paper.
Two hours ago. It was short though.
Three days ago, was listening to music thinking about how scary life can be sometimes. Also somedays you wake up and wrestle with your existential identity.